Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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