Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I AM VODKA MAN
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
