she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
