Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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