he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
