im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
honey bunches of taint.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
