a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
