More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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