she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
