we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
