I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize