Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize