He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
