I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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