I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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