That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
