I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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