I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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