I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
