So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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