I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
