a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
