dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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