omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
