note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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