I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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