I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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