The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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