Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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