brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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