Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
