The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
