not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
