The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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