He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Every concussion has its silver lining
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
