I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
