somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
