I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
