remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
