You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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