I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
