Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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