I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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