Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
