you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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