I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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