I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
