im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize