Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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