Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
