Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
