What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
