If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
