yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Randomize
