I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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