Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
