every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
