but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
