Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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