You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
