Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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