i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
