The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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