Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
